A whiff of sulpher – Vatican flirts with the dark side

Regardless of the liturgical pigeon holes we may climb into, a cause has come to the fore which will surely unite all good men and true in the defense of Holy Mother Church from a (no doubt well intentioned) detesable enormity being considered.

New Vatican Secretary of State Cardinal Bertone has publicly expressed a desire to embroil the Church in Association Rules football. He has gone as far as to suggest a Vatican XI should be formed and pitted against professional sports-persons.

Quoted in a number of mass media sources, the Cardinal said:

“In the future, the Vatican could assemble a football team of great value and could compete with Roma, Inter Milan and Sampdoria (Association teams based in Italy)… were we to involve the Brazilian priests it would be magnificent.”

The evil malaise of this perverted pastime is all too apparent here in England – leading as it does to lager drinking, an inability to pronounce the letter ‘H’ and other attendant vices. Yet Cardinal Bertone may not be aware of the rotten fruit of this tempting tree. Far better that the Church should adopt a sport comensurate with Christian living. 

The recent tour of the RCC to the Vatican has laid the groundwork for showcasing the far more erudite and Catholic game of cricket – a sport which celebrates charity, respect for authority, patience and tradition. A more vocal stand must now be taken; not only in this country but in the Vatican and former Papal States.

There is already a great legacy of cricket in Rome; the Venerable English College has played the sport throughout its existence and maintains a good wicket outside the walls of the city.

AC Milan, who I am told are currently cock-of-the-walk in Italian football, are so named because they began life as the Cricket Association of Milan, founded by British men living in the city – to this day the club badge displays the cross of St George.

Building on this rich heritage should prove easy. I have little doubt that the excitable Italians will see the patience needed for our noble game as the perfect tonic for their famous Mediterranean variability. I encourage all members and readers to lay hold of their nearest Italian prelate and give him a set of Botham’s Ashes.   

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3 thoughts on “A whiff of sulpher – Vatican flirts with the dark side

  1. The former Nuncio aroused interest when he commended the nuns in Tyburn for their snooker table. There is hope.

    His late Holiness would probably have been readier than his successor to accept ab initio that the English had discovered a way to contemplate eternity through a competitive sport.

    Can we look to HE the Cardinal Archbishop of Sydney, one of the soundest of modern prelates, to insist, as part of his ministry of supervising the new and authentic translation of the Liturgy, on including the Game of the Ages as part of his “Reform of the Reform”?

  2. His late Holiness was known to be an avid supporter of the Association game. Apparently he played for Fulham in his youth. I am not saying that playing Ass. Rules football leads to Parkinson’s, I am just pointing out the coincidence.

    I think Cardinal Pell will prove be a safe pair of hands – he and I engaged in a little friendly sledging in the Christmas edition of the Catholic Herald.

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