There are few who take an interest in ecclesial politics who have not noticed the radical change to have come over Archbishop of Birmingham Vincent “Knuckles” Nichols in the past few months.
As the retirement of Cardinal Cormac draws nearer, HG becomes more vocal and more pugilistic in an effort to increase his visibility and show himself to be the ‘hard-man’ of the English Church.
But where has this change in attitude come from? For a man to shake off the torpor of the English episcopate in such short order suggests that Archbishop Nichols may have had some coaching.
Here at the RCC, we felt an urgent investigation into this training regime was required. If we could discover his secret, more bishops might be taught to take a stand.
Following disclosures by a priest attached to the Cathedral, we can now reveal that HG Vinnie has been moonlighting as a talent judge on Independent Television’s programme “the X-Factor”.
Calling himself “Louis Walsh” and assuming an Hibernian accent, the Metropolitan has been honing his apologetics with fellow judges and practicing pastoral care with several fledgling boy-bands.
This rather eccentric second career for His Grace has thus far passed without censor – both Birmingham Cathedral and the Bishops’ Conference declined to comment.