“Stiletto Socialist” baffles opponents in French debate

 From our (reluctant) man in France – Rival Socialists failed to trouble Miss Ségolène Royal during the party’s first live televised debate.

The debate had been hotly anticipated by her opponents, as they intended to confront her refusal to put forward any policies or proposals.  But a lack of ideas is no obstacle to Ms Royal, currently enjoying a 39% lead in the party polls.  

She faced Dominique Strauss-Kahn a former finance minister and former prime minister Laurent Fabius in the first of six debates between the contenders. 

Although observers were unanimous that the debate had no ‘winner’, the notoriously policy-less Miss Royal has been carefully lowering expectations for months, ensuring only dissolving into tears would be seen as a failure.  

However, to the surprise of her opponents, her simple tactic of reciting one-liners from past interviews and speeches worked to great effect. By simply ignoring questions, speaking off topic and calling her opponents “elephants” and “pigs”, she appears to have struck a chord with the obtuse Gallic electorate.

Dubbed the “Socialist in Stilettos”, it is widely accepted by the media and the public that Miss Royal, is conducting her campaign on her image as “young, sexy and dynamic”. 

The 53-year-old is said possesses a mane of well dyed hair in place of a tax policy, impeccable skin as substitute for agricultural reform, aristocratic cheekbones for a healthcare platform, sparkling eyes for an economic stimulus package and a beautiful smile for social cohesion policy.

While she has yet to put forward a foreign policy, it is widely understood that she agrees that France should surrender to Germany at the earliest opportunity.

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