Mormon Leader Arrested for Incorrigible Naughtiness

Mr Warren Steed Jeffs has, since the day of his birth, wandered the roads less travelled. On Monday, he left the side roads of life and joined the Nevada motorway only to be promptly arrested.

Mr Jeffs, or ‘The Prophet’ as he prefers to be styled, is the leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; Mormons who rejected the “mainstream” Mormon satanaria’s “renunciation” of polygamy at the turn of the last century. 

Mr Jeffs inherited his ‘Prophetic’ office from his father Rulon Jeffs upon his death, when he was presumably assumed bodily into the mother-ship. His position as leader of the FCLDS carries with it total financial, spiritual and pastoral responsibility for his 10,000 congregants.

For several months now, Mr Jeffs has been on the American authorities “Most Wanted List” and was often profiled on television. Wanted in several states for crimes of “sexual misconduct”, Mr Jeffs’ alleged 40-70 wives would seem to bear out the authorities description of him as “charismatic”. The charges are said to encompass both his personal proclivities and actions taken in his pastoral role.

Like any other cult, the leader of the FCLDS’s main duties are arranging marriages and collecting money, and occasionally to reassign wives and children to other men. He and his inner circle are alleged to have a particular penchant for teenage brides, and several of the counts against him relate to the kidnapping and molestation of young girls; both mainstays of Mormon evangelism since the 19th century, as recorded by Sir Aurthur Conan Doyle in A Study in Scarlet

In the best traditions of American fringe cultism, Mr Jeffs was discovered by the police in a car with several women (alleged wives), his brother, several tens of thousands of dollars in cash, 15 mobile telephones, a large assortment of greeting cards and three wigs. It is, as yet, unclear what sort of shenanigans he was up to with the wigs and greeting cards.

Mr Jeffs will stand trail in the state of Arizona where the FCLDS is based.

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